I waited for something else.
***
We moved into a small rental with sticky drawers and a lemon tree in the backyard. Aaron painted his room green and left handprints on the wall.
Three months in, while picking cereal at the grocery store, Aaron looked up at me and smiled.
"Can we get the marshmallow kind, Dad?"
He didn't even realize he'd said it. But I did.
We moved into a small rental with sticky drawers.
That night, I cried into a pile of clean laundry. And for the first time, it felt like grief and joy could live in the same room. We lived quietly.
Anna worked nights, and I handled school pickups, packed lunches, and dinner reheats.
We watched cartoons on Saturdays, danced in the living room with socks on, and bought mismatched mugs at yard sales for no reason at all.
That night, I cried into a pile of clean laundry.
My mother never called, not to ask how I was or where I'd gone. Then last week, her name lit up my phone. She called just after dinner, her voice sharp and level, as if no time had passed at all.
"So this is really the life you chose, Jonathan."
I hesitated, holding the phone between my shoulder and cheek while drying a pan.
My mother never called, not to ask how I was or where I'd gone.